Week 23 - July 27, 2006
~ Moving Target
*Warning -- this is going to be more of a venting/ranting post this week.*
I'm beginning to think that I should put some sort of red bull's eye on my ever growing belly. In recent weeks, it seems no matter where I go -- the grocery store, the pharmacy - wherever -- one of two things happens: either people get WAY too close to me (which really, REALLY freaks me out), or they don't bother to allow me to get past them in a food aisle. Hubby thinks maybe I'm reading too much into things, but rest assured, I'm really starting to dread my weekly shopping trips. I mean, it's not like I'm huge, but people - PLEASE -- it's hard enough being pregnant - give us some space (and I'm not just talking about spaces reserved for pregnant/new moms either, but that's another story altogether).
Speaking of the ever growing belly (and the breasts, and the butt -- you get the picture), it's becoming a bit more, shall I say, challenging to feel like I'm attractive, especially to dear hubby. The affection side of things has waned in recent weeks, and while I first I didn't want to put too much stock into it, it began to weigh heavy on my heart. Initially, I thought, maybe the mood swings and job stuff was getting to him, so I didn't say anything. But, things didn't get better, and I did bring it up. Of course, combine that with the fact that one of his coworkers delivered this week and she's now on maternity leave, which means he's doing mornings. Say bye bye to any nooky now, Tara. It's history. I hate getting this upset, to the point where I'm having to fight back the tears at work, let alone crying myself to sleep at night.
Now, he *gets* it. He thinks I've failed him. I hate the word "failed." Instead, I said, let's find out what the problem is, because it's not just due to adjusting to another shift. It's *got* to be something else. He says it's not me. Well, then, what?
Is it so wrong to want to feel loved, appreciated, or even just pretty? I don't believe so. I know I should be grateful that I'm not going thru this pregnancy alone (like the last time), but I still have needs, pregnant or not. I need romance, I need cuddling, I need to feel maybe just a tiny bit spoiled. I hope that doesn't come across as selfish, but I know *me*, and I know what will make me feel content and happy. Having little to no affection doesn't. It makes me very sad.
Why can't guys *get* this ?????