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Tara's Pregnancy Journal

Week 33 ~ October 5, 2006
~ Angels In Heaven

This week, I write to you with a very heavy heart. No doubt you've heard of the tragedy that occured in my state of Pennsylvania, specifically, a small community called Bart Township in Lancaster County. When the news first broke around midday on Monday, I didn't really know what to think. In retrospect, I had first hoped that I had heard the news wrong -- that maybe I was mistaken. Sadly and very tragically, that, of course, didn't happen.

It was very tough -- extremely difficult -- to get through the next few days, especially when the extent of what took place came to light. What amazed me was the absolute faith of the Amish community. Within a day, they were at the home of the alleged gunman's father, expressing their forgiveness to the son's actions. For those of you who don't know much about the Amish, I think the best way to describe them are as peace loving, kind, and close knit people. They don't relish in much of the technology that we take for granted, and while many of them deal with the non Amish (who they call the "English") on a regular basis, they are also a very private, God-fearing and strongly faithful people. They don't like to call a lot of attention to themselves, and of course, the throngs of national and international media that came to the area was rightfully disturbing and unsettling to them.

I couldn't help but think of what was going through the minds of those little girls, and what absolute horror and evil they were faced with. It absolutely tore me apart, even while I was at work, I felt the tears streaming down my face (luckily, I was alone in the newsroom at the time). I thought about my own little girl, and little Cameron.

Those little girls are truly angels in my eyes. As I write this, a few of the girls remain in the hospital, and one may have already been taken off life support so she can be with her family when she passes. I pray that God watches over them and their families through this unbelievably difficult time.

Suffice it to say, Monday was an extremely stressful day. I hope baby Cameron didn't get too affected by it. I got a pretty bad stress headache, which began to subside after a short time (thanks to some well-timed Tylenol).

I have been noticing more Braxton Hicks contractions this week, especially toward the end of the week. I think on Thursday I counted five, maybe six. The swelling came back in my ankles and a few days in my hands, where I could barely get my wedding band on. It may come to the point where I can't wear my rings now, but I sort of expected that to happen (it did so with Cassie, too).

We're going away this weekend, likely my last trip out of the area before Cameron's born. I just need to get away from here and try to shake away some of this sadness. I'm not holding my breath for anything remotely romantic to occur, although if it did, it would be nice (that sort of thing has been lacking in recent weeks). That sort of "stuff", if you catch my drift, has been a bit awkward, especially with my increasing girth. Plus, most nights I'm so tired that I tend to drop right off to sleep, so the last thing on my mind is "nookie," athough I do miss it and I tend to have some rather vivid dreams! Hubby says he doesn't mind and he doesn't really miss it. I guess he's just waiting until after the baby's born, but if I do carry through with nursing, it could mean he might have a much longer "dry" period to deal with. I hope I'm not alone in this. I'd hate to think that I was the only one that was going "without" and that something was wrong with me/us. I guess time will tell.

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