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Tara's Pregnancy Journal

Week 35 ~ October 20, 2006
~ Hanging In There (kind of sort of)

This has been a week of some interesting ups and downs on the emotional side. I'm just not feeling myself, and I can't seem to "pick myself up." I don't know if it's just the hormones or if it's something more, like my mild depression raring its ugly head. I haven't told dear hubby about my recent fears, since the last time we had a conversation about how I was feeling it didn't go well. I'll admit, the timing really stank in that regard -- we had had a disagreement about a half hour prior, and it was near the time where he normally heads to bed for the evening, since he gets up early for the morning shift at work. I had two crying jags yesterday -- one in front of my daughter, the other on the way to work. And, to add insult to injury, I haven't been getting decent sleep either. Last night, for example, I woke up at 11 pm and couldn't get back to sleep until maybe 1-1:30. I suppose, in some respects, it's preparing me for when Cameron arrives, but on the other hand, I'm trying to "stock up" on as much rest as I possibly can, and being wide awake and your mind racing when it should be sleeping isn't a big help!

I know I'm *supposed* to be happy, awaiting our little bundle of joy, and maybe anxious for the pregnancy to be over, or tired because it's close to the end. But depressed? I don't want to feel:

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-sad
-unattractive
-huge as a whale
-all of the above

I'm just as a loss as to what to do. My normal coping methods just aren't working. I went ahead and made an appointment with my therapist, who I haven't seen in sometime and who will likely express some surprise at my current condition. Unfortunately, I have to wait until toward the end of the month to see him.

In the meantime, I'm just trying not to think about all the things that are bothering me. I'd like to talk with hubby about this "stuff," but with my knack of bad timing, I don't know if I will. I don't want to say anything to my mom, because she's an admitted worry wart and I really don't want to add to that. I'll just be glad when I can get off this roller coaster. It's not fun. Then again, roller coasters have never been my thing.

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