Week 18 ~ August 17, 2006
~ Back Home for Good
My trip back to Missouri wrapped up yesterday with a much easier flight day. I didn't get a nap because of all the logistics of getting to and from the airport. But I did nap today and feel quite rested, despite being back among loose ends at work and chores at home.
I got to see lots of relatives. The only one in my immediate family who wasn't there was my brother, but I'm hoping he'll come out to see Dan and me this fall sometime. My grandma and aunt came. My mom had a party and several relatives came to that as well. It's a very exciting time. There are a lot of weddings scheduled and one of my cousins is also pregnant. I didn't get to see her, but her mom and I compared notes.
I also bought some small things for the babies' room, a braided rug and some metal barn stars to hang on the wall. I want to get baby books, too, but they're all tailored to either boys or girls. We don't know what ours are (though hopefully we'll find out at our appointment Monday!), so I can't make that purchase yet. I did buy some birth announcements. Hopefully that's not bad luck.
Also, for the first time, I went through some of the second-guessing emotions I've heard people describe. There were points where, wandering around my mom's house, playing board games, eating in restaurants or lying around reading, I felt intense regret that I won't find such peaceful adult activities to be possible for a long time. I felt it again on the plane when I sat in front of a family with three kids, two under three. Their baby had a shrill shriek and threw a couple of tantrums. Their toddler kept asking the same questions ("When is the plane going to leave? When will they bring me a blanket?" etc.) over and over. It made me ask, "Why did we want to do this?"
I know all the reasons, certainly. It just seemed to me, in that mood, that it's no small thing to give up all your freedom. I need to ask Dan if he's had any thoughts like that. It was really good to see him at the airport yesterday. He thinks my belly has grown in the week I was away. With all of the eating I did, I've probably grown elsewhere, too.