Week 30 ~ November 9, 2006
~ Return of Nausea and Body Image Issues
OK, so maybe that title for this week's entry is a little dramatic. In the last two weeks or so, I have been experiencing a much milder version of nausea than what I endured the first trimester. But it's nonetheless wearying to have it come back in any form. It seems to be tied to heartburn, which is always just barely contained. The more heartburn, the more nausea-maybe it's because the heartburn makes me want to eat exactly nothing, but having an empty stomach is what encourages nausea? If so, what a vicious circle.
I am getting really bored with the list of foods that are relatively heartburn safe. I miss eating things like korma, burritos with lots of salsa, garlicky dishes of all kinds, vegetables with strong flavors (I'm like a little kid again about broccoli-right now it's just yucky), dark chocolate (and heavy dessert in general) and wine, red and white. I wouldn't drink any alcohol anyway (apart from a tiny sip here and there such as at my friend's wedding back in May)-but even if it were perfectly safe for the babies, I know somehow that it would set my picky stomach off and I'd have to avoid it for my own sake as well. Ugh! I hope the food issues disappear the moment the babies arrive.
Which brings me to my next set of issues: body issues. I've always had them, just like a lot of women, and pregnancy has been both good and bad for them. On the good side, I love my belly. It's getting so easy to picture our babies all curled up in there. I like touching it, watching it expand, watching other people's faces when they see it and watching it ripple when one of the babies moves. And I like how pregnancy has changed my perspective on how I looked before. I always thought that I still needed to lose a few pounds. Now I look at pictures from just five or six months ago and see myself as thin.
But on the bad side, I HATE what pregnancy is doing to the rest of my body: padded hips and bottom, thick thighs and upper arms, heavy breasts that look like skin sacks full of water. And while the belly will deflate at least part-way when the twins are born, these other things will hang on. I hate the big sweatpants and giant underwear I am most comfortable wearing. I miss my flat chest. I know this is whiney and I really have so much to be grateful for, especially my healthy babies who are so far content to stay where they belong, in my womb, for another few weeks. But it's just a fact that I feel this way. Sigh!
I cling to the idea that when I heal from childbirth I will be able to resume real exercise. I am already looking at my running books and going over the schedules they have for getting into shape after a lay-off (some of them even have specific post-partum chapters). And I am steadfastly ignoring the people who say that I won't have time to exercise. To me, exercise is just as essential as eating and going to the bathroom. Even if it means just a ten-minute walk or run and I feel like a zombie, I'll do it. Dan and I have already talked about how we'll watch the babies for each other so we can still continue our favorite workouts. I don't think this is selfish. I think it is essential-it will help not only with my body issues but also with any baby blues or cabin fever we are likely to experience.
Alright, enough whining. Everything else is great. I'm happy to be in the 30s in terms of weeks! The babies and my cervix were great at my perinatalogy appointment last Friday-the babies are already estimated at over 3 lbs each, the boy still the larger of the two. My workmates had a really fun shower for me. They each brought literary boy/girl names to the party: Elizabeth and Darcy, Fern and Avery, Arwen and Aragorn, etc. We're still not sure where we're going with names, but it's good to have more food for thought.