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Vivian's Pregnancy Journal

Week 28 ~ February 17, 2005
~ Realizations

The shower was wonderful. At the beginning I was a little freaked out because folks weren't there on time. A thought quickly passed my brow "what if no one shows up!?!" but then in the normal pattern of my loved ones, they rolled in late! We played games, people touched the belly and at one point I even got to flash my slowly outpoking belly button (I'm an exhibitionist at heart!). After everyone left, a couple of friends and I went to see a movie and when we got back we ended up dancing in the driveway (imagine car doors wide open and 4 adult women of color line dancing to some song on the radio). I commented that if I got pneumonia from being outside, it was worth it. It's those moments that make me remember why I love my friends so much. They are awesomely dynamic women (and men) and I'm so lucky to have them. It parallelly made me sad that they're so far away. I wish everyone could move to Houston! DC was chilly and dry (making my nose bleed every morning and throughout the day) and it made me so grateful for our 80 degree day yesterday with high humidity! I love this place, why can't all my friends just move here!!!

When we got to the airport and all, I started bawling. Mych smiled (laughed) at me and said "don't cry! Hahah". I started blubbering about how I really liked his family and how I miss them. I was happy to get back though and we picked up half of our zoo (the dogs) and settled back into our normal routine. I finally got a chance to spend some intimate time with the hubby. I say that like we don't find time--let me rephrase--Mych finally caught me at a time when I wasn't ambivalent about it. Let me just say this... Pregnancy changes your body in numerous ways. After 15 minutes of 'adjusting' and fidgeting we finally settled in, big belly and all.

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Well, some new developments: You know how Mych had a moment when we did the crib? I had a moment when we kinda solidified that Kiah Noelle (we're still debating on the spelling of Kiah) will be her name. I almost started crying then did an excited crunched kick (weird) because I couldn't believe that somehow speaking the name made her real. It could have been that Mych and I watched a romantic movie that night and were just in the sappy mood!

There have been a few realizations this week:

1. My body has been aching so much lately and I noticed that my thighs look like hamhocks. Now this is not a "pregnant woman's glasses" realization. I stepped on the scale and I am 5 lbs heavier. For a moment, I actually felt down... felt like I was going to disappoint the doctor. Then I was like "this month was hard with the anemia, emotional breakdowns etc.--and that's just what needed to happen; I didn't watch my food intake like a hawk but I watched my emotional health which was my priority at the moment." Still, yesterday I went for a 45 minute walk and this morning I was motivated to go for a 30 minute walk. And you know what happened... I started running! I was actually jogging. I made it all the way home and then my legs (the cellulite actually) started itching like crazy. I really am out of shape--but my heart was beating normal and it still felt good to run again. I might have to work on that some more.

2. I also realized that I can find some control in this crazy experience. I fixed a healthy lunch this morning and a healthy breakfast. Pregnancy is a roller coaster. For a month I was okay eating cereal in the morning (fortified and nutritious) and then bam, morning throw up TWICE! So now, I'm back to the good old standby breakfast from month 1--peanut butter and low sugar jelly on wheat. I can't say it was as healthy as fruit but it's my compromise... doctor be damned!

3. Little one will be coming soon. I'm really trying to soak that in. I think I'm becoming excited (and nervous!)

4. I'm becoming okay with me--my controlling nature, nervousness, eating habits, inability to sleep, being okay at home alone etc. I guess time was the key.

So the prognosis? I'm feeling kinda good today on my roller coaster; I'm riding it instead of trying to resist it. I hope this high lasts! (thinking about this, I wonder how much of this is linked to the romantic night with hubby? Hum... maybe we DO need to do it more!)

Keep ya posted!
Vivian

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