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Vivian's Pregnancy Journal

Week 37 ~ April 21, 2005
~ C' MON Make Your Entrance

This week has passed surprisingly fast but agonizingly slow. I began the week by telling my supervisor that I wanted to work part time for the next two weeks instead of full time next week and part time the first week in May. She obliged without even a blink. I think I'm the only fool working up to her due date.

I've been exhausted lately, absolutely exhausted. Sleeping at night is an oxymoron nowadays. I used to get sleep but now I wake up to pee constantly and then even when not peeing, I just wake up... about every 2 hours or so... guess Kylin is getting me ready.

Oh, and I've been a evil byotch... Lord, I've stared people down and even hit one of my coworkers. Granted the fool hit me first (a tap on the wrist) but I kicked him twice and hit him 3 times (albeit playfully but I made sure it stung). I think I even told someone to shut up. I'm serious, I need to be off work. But I also know that I'd be bored crapless at home so I'll do half days--that may be the balance.

Mychal is cooing it up. He's told me at least 18 times in the last three days that he loves me and thanks me for bringing Kylin into the world. I appreciate his acknowlegement of the process. In planning my last showers I went with a friend to look at a hotel and it was by the ballpark. It was gorgeous but very 'man' oriented. I really think I'm going to book Mych a night there as a 'daddy' present. He deserves it too.

Last night I had these cramps... I have them sometimes on my bladder (her head I'm sure is pressing against it) but these were almost painful. I was walking trying to get them to go away. I almost wanted them too though; I'm ready to begin the labor journey. Mych couldn't help but smile and then say jokingly "nothing better happen tonight, I have a test tomorrow and a softball game!" Today I have a very dull aching in my back.

I went to the doc (she was in delivery today) so I talked to the nurse about the pain (she said it's probably my cervix thinning) and then asked her about the skin tabs/moles on my areola. She said that's normal and my body's way of hardening and preparing the nipples for use.

My stretch marks are still growing so I'm lubing at least 3 times a day, using baby oil gel (very helpful... who knew) to keep it lubed longer than the normal lotions. My feet are still aching so I have on the opposite of what you would expect--heels. I've been wearing flats any feet are killing me so I changed to slight chunky heels today and they feel great... who knew that either?

Today after taking a nap during lunch (part time c'mon!) I realized something that almost made me cry--I'm not going to be pregnant anymore. My round womanness will be different than it is now. The fact that I will never again be pregnant with Kylin is a loss that I'll have to process. Even if I do decide to do this journey again (soooo unlikely!) then it won't ever be exactly the same. I think that hit me hard. Made me love her all the more. Anyway, that's me!

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