Entry 13 - May 4, 2008
~ Changes Galore
My life has been such a whirlwind since my last entry on StorkNet . . . mostly with the changes that have taken place since leaving the world of radio and heading into the world of state government. My new position is one that utilizes my background and experience -- but instead of being behind the microphone, recording newscasts and the like (or sticking a mic into someone's face for an interview), I'm helping various media outlets in promoting a state agency. It's one I truly enjoy working for -- many of their programs help encourage and enpower youngsters and communities away from crime, but on the other side of the spectrum, there are other programs that help youth and adult offenders come to terms with their crimes and become productive members of society. It's a very general overview of the agency in question, but trust me when I say there is always something going on . . . a workshop, a news conference, etc., and getting up to speed is definitely a work in progress, but I feel I'm getting the hang of it.
While I've had a few bumps -- mostly from someone in the governor's office who I feel is just on some sort of power trip -- my supervisor and the head of the agency are very happy with me, and they "have my back" in case this particular person continues to give me an (undeserved) hard time. It's always something (or someone), isn't it?
The new job comes with some perks -- a new office (I have never, EVER had an office before), holidays off, great benefits and a much larger salary. The extra money is a BIG help, and allows me to better provide for my family. While there are times I wish I could work part time and be at home more, there are other times I will admit that I am glad I do work full time. I think in some respects it makes me a better mom. I realize that probably doesn't make sense or might not sit well with some moms. For me, I think if I were at home more, I might be tempted to take my kids for granted or get stressed out - more than I already am. But, again, I will admit, there are days where I am torn and I find myself envious of SAHMs (stay at home moms) . . . I suppose it's all a careful balance.
I think, as moms, we all tend to fight those moments of guilt--and feeling torn--whether we work part time, full time, or are lucky/fortunate enough to stay at home. There's always something that makes us wonder, "am I doing right by my child/children?" or "is this the right course/action to take?" I tend to second guess myself at times. No one ever said motherhood would be easy, regardless of what path you choose to get there. It's something I have made peace with, for the most part, but at times I do struggle a bit. I just focus on doing the best I can, and giving the rest up to God.
I sort of alluded to another stressor in my last entry--we have unfortunately had a bad situation to deal with regarding our neighbors and their inability to be respectful of us to the point that the police and other local officials are involved. I can't and don't want to get much more into it, for fear of some sort of reprisal (I don't trust these neighbors as far as I can throw them). We are just trying to do the right thing and pursue actions that will allow us, as a family, to live in peace, while also preserving our quality of life. It's a shame we have to live near people who feel that their rights are more omnipotent than others, even if their rights infringe on ours or others in our neighborhood. Bottom line -- you mess with my family, you're going to get a fight on your hands. End of story. I hope by the next time another entry comes around, this particular chapter in our lives will be closed (and padlocked).
So, suffice it to say, you might be able to understand (or maybe sympathize! LOL) why it's been some time since my last entry. All in all, I am grateful for everything--a healthy family, a change in career that allows me to better provide for them and also gives me more time and flexibility than in my previous job. All of this has brought me back to where I need to be . . . closer to God. The struggles and challenges have also given me back some peace, and also reminded me that I'm not alone. None of us are, when you really think about it.