Tara's Working Mom's Journal Journal

 
Entry 15 - August 5, 2008
~ Keeping My Head Above Water

What a busy summer so far, even with us not being able to take much in the way of a family vacation this summer. Since my last entry, Cassie came back from a LONG (four week!) visit with her father in New England, and will soon be leaving for another visit to see him and her grandparents before school starts.

I've never been a real big fan of summer. Sure, trips to the pool and the beach were fun, and of course, not having to go to school, but after about a month, I started to get a bit bored. Autumn has always been one of my favorite seasons - I love being outdoors and *not* sweating half to death going for a walk or just doing activities outside. Hiking is much more fun, and with the crisp bite in the air and the colors that soon follow, it's a win/win for me. I don't even mind wearing a light jacket during the colder hours of the day, so long as I can be outdoors and enjoy the weather before it begins to turn cold (the type of cold that you feel down in your bones and have to bundle up in several layers!).

The other things I like about the end of summer is that I don't have to get myself "geared up" for long periods away from my daughter. Since my last entry, we've had some challenges thrown our way, challenges that in some respects were very scary and upsetting, but in the same breath may have been needed. I needed to be reminded of *what* to avoid, but also what to build upon, to ensure that Cassie and I have a good relationship -- now and beyond those quickly-approaching teenage years. While I won't go into much detail (it's just too painful), some situations have developed that made me more determined than ever to ensure that she's OK, despite attempts by some to use an event to their advantage and lash out at me. I don't deserve it, I won't tolerate it, and the b.s., as they say, is ending NOW. While those efforts are ongoing between Cassie and me, I'm learning from my mistakes in hopes I won't repeat them with Cameron. Both Cassie and Cameron are my life; I couldn't imagine it without them . . . it's impossible.

While all in all, it hasn't been a easy time this summer, I remind myself that there are those who have had it much, much worse than me--more than I could have imagined--right at my workplace. Some of them have lost their children in brutal, senseless, unimaginable murders. One lost her husband, thanks to a repeat drunk driver -- on her birthday. Others are survivors of domestic abuse. But they're all here, working with me, committed to helping others, and getting things done. I can do no less. They empower me, they help remind me, when I get off track about what's really and truly important in the whole scheme of things. I think in many ways, God steered me in this direction and had a HUGE role in my new position and career. There's a reason why I'm reconsidering my previous goal of becoming a teacher. Maybe this is where God wants and needs me to be, to work with people who are committed to ending juvenile violence, helping victims of crime, assisting law enforcement, and working in communities to help make them safer places to live. When I first started my job search, I knew that my overall goal was to work where I could make a difference. I'm feeling more and more that this is the way to go. Mind you, I'm still praying on all of this (and more), but that's what my heart is telling me at this point.

On that note, time to get back to doing the 'public's business.' Next time, I hope to give you all an update on how my oldest is doing (junior high soon) and of course, the latest on our little whirling dervish, a.k.a. Cameron

Take care and stay cool,

~Tara

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