Tara's Working Mom's Journal Journal

Entry Four
~ Being Thankful

Initially, I struggled to find a topic to write about this week -- not that a lot of things haven't happened (which is *never* the case with me -- my life is so crazy at times), but something that would be relevant (and not put you dear readers to sleep!).

Then, it hit me -- I need to be thankful and focus on my blessings, not just what I wish I *could* have.

The first instance of this took place last week, when I found out a friend of a friend -- OK, she's my friend too, but she's very close to the dear friend I wrote about on here a few weeks ago that works with me. I was very sad to hear about the impending breakup of her marriage. They've only been married a few years, I believe since 2002 or 2003, if my memory hasn't completely failed me. She has been very sweet to me over the last few years, and while I wish there was a way to wave some sort of magic wand to prevent her from having the same heartaches I had during my divorce nearly ten years ago, I know the best and only thing I can do is be there for her . . . whether it's to talk, to babysit her two little cutie-pies, or to just hang out (which I hope to do sooner rather than later with her). It made me think about the horrible anguish I went through back in those dark days when I thought I'd never get remarried, but it also made me all the more committed to being the best wife and friend I can be to my husband.

You see, about two to three weeks ago, dear hubby and I had a very close call . . . I don't want to get into too many details here (and plus, it's very involved and I'd hate for this to be a journal that puts you to sleep!), but suffice it to say, it was a real wake up call for me. Both of us are seeing a counselor now and we're getting ourselves back on track. It's very easy, especially after you've had a child, to put certain things on the backburner. I don't just mean sex -- I mean little things, like just sitting together watching a movie, sharing a glass or two of wine, going on a walk together, or just reading together in bed -- things I used to take for granted. Now, I see them as ways that we connected as a couple -- as more than just a *mom* and *dad.* I realized that I had to do a better job in nurturing our relationship. It's the foundation for the rest of the family. That foundation had become a little bit too unstable. It's scary when you have close friends go through the process of divorce. I vow to do whatever it takes to ensure I don't ever head into divorce court again.

I also have to be thankful for what could have been a rather nasty accident a few days before Mother's Day. I was driving Cameron over to the babysitter's house . . . and in order to get to her place, I have to cross a bridge . . . and there an area where you merge. Well, I thought the woman in front of me was going to go, so did the whole "yield" thing, then proceeded on, but she suddenly stopped (after someone cut her off, I found out later) and I ran into her. Luckily, we were both going very slow (maybe 5 miles an hour, tops) and neither one of our vehicles was hurt. I felt SO bad and kept apologizing over and over to her. We exchanged numbers, just in case, but I didn't hear from her, so I think an angel was definitely watching over us. After we got back into our respective vehicles, I thanked God over and over that we were all OK, and proceeded to do so for the next two days! That's all we needed was another accident -- my stepson's girlfriend, who was borrowing his car while he was getting *her* vehicle fixed -- crashed his car. This is the second accident in about two months' time. Good thing her insurance is paying for everything; I have enough to have to worry about!

Cam has also started to sleep (pretty much) through the night. The week before Mother's Day, he slept completely *through* the night - I couldn't believe it! I was so happy. Now, he has a regular routine, where he'll go down around 8-8:30 pm and sleep "like a big boy" in his crib until sometime in the middle of the night -- usually waking up sometime between 12:30 and 2 am - no biggie. Usually it's because he rolls over and wakes himself up, the silly boy. I then bring him in the bed with me or in his co-sleeper. While I like having the bed to myself again to some degree, I still kind of like him waking me up and snoozing with Mom a bit. I know they only stay this little for so long.

Yesterday (5/15), Cassie had her year end concert at school and did an awesome job! She plays violin and is also in chorus and really enjoys both activities. Her father (my ex husband) and her grandparents came to see her and take her out to dinner beforehand. Despite it being a bit hot and humid, everything worked out really well and their concert was a complete hit! Now, if I can only help her stay focused between now and when she gets out of school! I remember it being difficult for me to stay "on task" the closer we got to May or June, so I can certainly empathize.

I hope all of you Moms out there (and Moms-to-be) had a nice Mother's Day. The day before, we went to State College to check out an open house the National Weather Service Office was having (they're basically right on the campus of Penn State -- which, in addition to Joe Paterno, is also famously known for its meteorology department). We spent the rest of the day in downtown State College, went to a great brew pub, walked a lot downtown and got some great ice cream from Penn State's creamery! Yum yum . . . I'll have to include some pictures of our visit in the next entry. On Mother's Day itself, we went to Hershey Gardens - very pretty and also quite warm that day, but it was all good.

When I start to get down and frustrated about things, I will have to reflect back on this entry to remind myself of my blessings, and not let the "little" things get to me so much. I have a knack for being a "perfectionist," something I'm still trying to quash - it's a work in progress - no doubt about that!


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