Tara's Working Mom's Journal Journal

 
Entry Five
~ Feeling *Very* Burned Out . . . and Not Sure What to Do

This has been a tough week, to put it mildly. Not only did I have to work Memorial Day, but I also got sick with some sort of bacterial/strep throat illness, which of course, my husband got . . . a much more virulent strain. To top it off, I am still very, very burned out . . . and it reached epic proportions today, once I returned to work from a day off to help out my daughter at her school.

I am trying really, really hard to be positive, but it's difficult when I'm so tired and so completely worn out.

I feel like an empty bottle in desperate need of a refill. I also am in desperate need of some attention (romantic and otherwise). I feel fat, frumpy, unattractive and just overall down and out, and not myself at all.

I kept a lot of this inside and just tried to deal with it, but I ended up becoming so frustrated that I burst into tears and finally told Bill what was going on. He knew I wasn't happy, and told me that he hated seeing me so miserable. Just hearing that made me feel better, acknowledging it.

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He is encouraging me to go out and get some time for myself -- either with friends or even solo. The problem is, the friends I want to go out with either aren't returning my calls/emails or are just too busy with their own things. I guess it's just not a priority with them. There's a part of me that knows some "me" time is necessary to keep me from going insane, but at the same time, I feel guilty for it, because I'm already a working mom, and I feel bad for not wanting to spend as much of my "non-work" time with them . . . even taking an hour away makes me feel like I'm not being a "good" mom. I tried to explain this to my husband, but I'm not sure if he gets it. It must be a mom thing, I don't know.

I plan on going out after work - one of my bosses is celebrating his 50th birthday. I'm also going to take matters into my own hands and:

  1. get a babysitter (hopefully) for next Saturday
  2. book myself a massage and an appointment with my chiropractor
  3. buy a bottle of wine and maybe drink the whole thing myself (ok, just kidding there -- don't want all of you thinking I'm becoming a drunkard! ha ha).
Sorry if this comes across as a bit of a downer or gripe session, but I don't want to sugar coat anything. This is my life, the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty. I hope the next entry will be a little more on the "peppy" side and a bit more optimistic.

~Tara

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