Tara's Working Mom's Journal Journal

Entry Five
~ Feeling *Very* Burned Out . . . and Not Sure What to Do

This has been a tough week, to put it mildly. Not only did I have to work Memorial Day, but I also got sick with some sort of bacterial/strep throat illness, which of course, my husband got . . . a much more virulent strain. To top it off, I am still very, very burned out . . . and it reached epic proportions today, once I returned to work from a day off to help out my daughter at her school.

I am trying really, really hard to be positive, but it's difficult when I'm so tired and so completely worn out.

I feel like an empty bottle in desperate need of a refill. I also am in desperate need of some attention (romantic and otherwise). I feel fat, frumpy, unattractive and just overall down and out, and not myself at all.

I kept a lot of this inside and just tried to deal with it, but I ended up becoming so frustrated that I burst into tears and finally told Bill what was going on. He knew I wasn't happy, and told me that he hated seeing me so miserable. Just hearing that made me feel better, acknowledging it.

He is encouraging me to go out and get some time for myself -- either with friends or even solo. The problem is, the friends I want to go out with either aren't returning my calls/emails or are just too busy with their own things. I guess it's just not a priority with them. There's a part of me that knows some "me" time is necessary to keep me from going insane, but at the same time, I feel guilty for it, because I'm already a working mom, and I feel bad for not wanting to spend as much of my "non-work" time with them . . . even taking an hour away makes me feel like I'm not being a "good" mom. I tried to explain this to my husband, but I'm not sure if he gets it. It must be a mom thing, I don't know.

I plan on going out after work - one of my bosses is celebrating his 50th birthday. I'm also going to take matters into my own hands and:

  1. get a babysitter (hopefully) for next Saturday
  2. book myself a massage and an appointment with my chiropractor
  3. buy a bottle of wine and maybe drink the whole thing myself (ok, just kidding there -- don't want all of you thinking I'm becoming a drunkard! ha ha).
Sorry if this comes across as a bit of a downer or gripe session, but I don't want to sugar coat anything. This is my life, the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty. I hope the next entry will be a little more on the "peppy" side and a bit more optimistic.


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