Tara's Working Mom's Journal Journal

Entry Nine ~ October 8, 2007
~ Wow, I Guess it Has Been A While

My goodness, the time has just flown by. I can't believe it's fall already, although it is one of my favorite times of the year.

Well, since my last entry, not too much news on the job front, but with the kids, that is certainly a different story . . . more on the "jobs" in a bit.

Cassie, my oldest, is doing great in fifth grade. It's still tough to believe that I'm the mom of such a young lady, and (she'll probably be very irritated at me for writing this!) she's already wearing a bra and using anti-perspirant! Now, if she can only keep the boys away for a few more years (ha ha)!

Cameron is our "crazy man" -- loves to get into everything, can climb stairs (with help), is already pulling himself up using tables, foot stools, etc . . . and loves to babble. He doesn't say a whole lot of words, compared to his sister, but he makes up for it in activity. I really think he'll be walking sooner rather than later at the rate he's going. Cam definitely says "Mom" -- he says "MomMom" (so cute!) and "Dada" on a regular basis, and lights up when he sees his big sister. He's still not sure what to think of his big brother, David. I think he's just so tall that he's sort of awestruck to some degree.

For the most part, I've been feeling better emotionally. The moods are now at a more even keel, but Mondays are always tough. The past few weeks, each Monday I've bawled my head off at work, because I miss Cam so much. Don't get me wrong, I miss Cassie too, but I have to admit it is somewhat easier, since she's at school, but I still miss her just the same (especially during the summer, as some of you who regularly read my journal can attest). Sometimes Bill will stop by after picking up Cam from his babysitter and come visit me at work for a little bit, and that's a big help and makes me feel connected to him even more.

I had today off and enjoyed a rather long(er) weekend than usual. It was so nice having most of the day free, just Cam and me (Cassie was spending some time with her dad this weekend and came back today around lunch time). Cam's schedule was a bit off, since he slept in some this morning, so he ended up going to bed about a half hour earlier than normal. I'm sure he'll make up for lost time, come tomorrow morning at around 5!

As far as the job search goes, it's still going . . . had a great interview back in mid-September, but truth be told, I'm not really sure if I want this job. It could mean a bit more money and better benefits (and state holidays off with pay), but my heart is truly into teaching. I really REALLY would love to work in a school or preschool type setting where I could utilize the skills I already have, while I head back to school next semester to work toward my certification. I don't have too much more to go, but it's just frustrating.

I did make a call today to a child care/preschool today; they're a bit more expensive/upscale than most of the other ones around here and they are looking for part and full time teachers. I talked with the owner and she wants me to come in on Friday. I'm trying to be hopeful, but not get my hopes up too much, just in case it's not the right fit for my family and me. If I'm going to leave, I will have to make something similar to my current salary (which isn't much, but it does help), and also ensure it has benefits. My husband's job offers benefits, but they cost a LOT more than mine and they're somewhat "so so." I guess worst case scenario, I could stay where I am, in case all my leads and networking don't work out, and just stay under the proverbial radar, and leave when it's time to student teach. Right now, I'm just praying a lot . . . and leaving it up to God.

There are days where I feel like I can't take any more guilt . . . or feeling regretful . . . or just wishing that I could stay home more. I have to accept things, and not beat myself up. It's not easy, but it's a work in progress. I just pray that my kids don't end up resenting me for having to work, and I just have to remain focused on the ultimate goal . . . becoming a teacher.

Before I close out, here are a few pictures of my family . . . one is with Bill and Cam at a recent high school game where Cassie's chorus sang the Star Spangled Banner, and the other is with Cassie right before the performance; they're both growing so fast!

Cassie  Cam and Dad

Until next time . . .

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