Dear Mr. Dad
StorkNet.com > Columns > Dear Mr. Dad
Preparing for a Second Child
by Armin Brott, author of The Expectant Father
For a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn't really a question, it's a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you're going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn't nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution to this problem.
The time crunch is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it's usually not the only thing they're worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these:
- Finances. Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer no, does not having enough money really make a difference for you?
- Your own childhood. Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way?
- Ability to love more than one child. Are you worried that you won't be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children--no matter how many you have--is infinite.
- Labor and delivery. Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she's the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you're pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not?
- Your firstborn. Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child's temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn's.
When you've put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You'll probably find that even though she's more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as "the superdad's superdad," has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad's Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men's Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He's the host of "Positive Parenting," a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.