It was 6:55 am, October 12, 1998. My appointment for an induction was at 7:30 am. I was eager to get this over with to say the least. My pregnancy was difficult; I was sick/nauseous for the first six months (the toilet bowl became my very best bud). I had very little support from family (because my husband is Type 1 Diabetic we believe), and I also had Gestational Diabetes. That's what caused the induction. I was suddenly getting big and fast. They said for me to come in or I'll have the risk of probably having a Cesarean. I was there!
So here I was, eager, and nervous what was to become of all this. I wasn't quite as nervous as I soon was to get. I had no idea what was in store for me, just wanted to meet my sweet baby boy! We waited and waited . . . turns out they were over-booked with lots of deliveries all night and morning so they didn't have a room for me. They put me in a room only where they monitored me and the baby. Unfortunately, they still did not have a room for me for quite some time (to deliver in). While I waited there, I was transferred to the recovery room (for moms recovering from Cesareans). Of course, I was still waiting for a room. I prayed this would be the hardest part. Little did I know.
It was Monday, and now Friday seemed like a million years ago, I thought as I laid there, the day they told me to come in. By 10 am, they put me in the L&D room where I was to have my son. My blood pressure kept rising; never did during my pregnancy, so they believed it was nerves (and later pain). The doctor came in and broke my bag of waters and then induced me with Cytotec which was placed behind my cervix. The pain didn't take long to kick in and just increased with each contraction. Within 2+ hours, I went from 1.5 cm to 4 cm! (By the way, i was about 1.5 cm on Friday, October 9).
At this point I was begging for a nurse and/or my husband to get the anesthesiologist. So much for that wanted natural birth. Heck no! Not when you feel this!!!!! I am no martyr that's for sure. I knew I was ready even before the doctor told me so. I told her, "I am so ready, I just know I'm far enough!" It took 10-15 minutes to kick in before I felt better from the Epidural. I no longer felt contractions which made me cry to the point I was not myself at all. I was so relieved to feel the freedom from the terrifying pain that overtook my entire body.
My blood pressure got somewhat better now, but they did give me oxygen and rolled me side to side to keep it down. Suddenly I started feeling the pressure in my rectal area, and I was like "HEY! You told me I won't feel anymore pain!" But the doctor and nurses let me know that I had to feel this pain so I'd know how and when to push. Dear God I thought . . . it's far from over.
By 2-3 pm I was 7 cm. I was thrilled we were making such progress and approaching the most anticipated moment of all . . . meeting our beautiful son. I became increasingly uncomfortable and they removed the oxygen at this point. It was now 4 pm and the temptation to push was so intense. The doctor checked and it turns out I was 100% effaced and 10 cm dilated. THANK THE LORD I'm ready to go . . . let's do this . . . get it out!!!!!! There was so many doctors and nurses in my room. "Who are you people?" I felt like i was doing a documentary for National Geographic.
We start pushing, and I could feel the pressure increase. I thought I would die. I begged my husband to do something to help me, as if he could and he just stared at me blankly like what can I do? I knew he couldn't help me but I needed the pain to go away. I just knew I'd die. I felt my skin inside me rip and tear. It burned like he**. They said my blood pressure was going up while my son's heart rate was going down. Of course my blood pressure shot up! They're telling me my son is dying we're losing him!
They inserted the FH monitor into his skull while he was still inside me. I was so scared. I thought I lost him. All these terrible thoughts kept floating in my mind. Like a carnival of faces. I was there but not there. While i was pushing, I heard the doctor say, "OK, bring me forceps." "What"?? I said, "No, don't use those, please don't use those." She told me if she didn't, they'd have to cut or we could lose the baby--he didn't want to come out. I cried, I was so scared -- they were putting all these implements in him, on him. What were they doing to my poor baby? My vagina was burning, and I could feel the skin tear. It was awful, but I didn't care. I just wanted Austin to be safe and healthy and be near me very soon. I kept pushing in 3's and nothing until finally I said, "Do I have to do just 3's? Can I keep going?" They said eagerly yes so I kept going and didn't stop until I pushed Austin out with the help of the forceps.
It was so surreal in the next moment. There he was, all blue and bruised from the forceps. He wasn't breathing. The doctor looked nervous, my husband was quiet and still with a terror in his eyes. I asked if he was ok. The doctor didn't answer me. They took the baby away. They didn't even ask dad to cut the cord at this point; it happened all so fast. The day seemed to drag and now suddenly, my life was passing before me.
They laid him in the incubator and he started to cry. I started to cry. Thank you God, I thought and whispered out loud. The whole staff was strangely quiet. I think they were scared too. I was so upset that I didn't get to hold him for the first hour of his life. But daddy held him a lot which made me feel better. The reason was because my body wasn't getting numb from the meds to stitch me so we all waited until it happened. I finally got to hold him after he was one hour old and felt so much joy. I began to nurse him and saw his little bruised face. I cried. It broke my heart. I hoped that it didn't cause any permanent damage. It was horrible. His body finally had color but his face was black and purple! He scored a 9 on the apgar test however. I was surprised with this, especially the way he looked. It made me feel better. (We weighed 8lbs. 6oz. Has blue eyes and blonde hair.)
Within 24 hours, my son's bruises were 98% gone and he looked absolutely beautiful. A true masterpiece, as an artist, my best masterpiece yet. For someone who was told she would may never be able to conceive (couldn't ovulate on my own and was on Clomid temporarily for two months; many months prior to the pregnancy), and someone who was devastated with a loss three years prior (ectopic), I was blessed with the most wonderful and rewarding position anyone could ever have. Being a mother.
By the way, Austin is now a healthy 15 month old little boy!!!